Who's Behind the Wheel?

• What’s the first thing you do when you open your eyes?

• I grab my phone to turn off the alarm, then I check if I have any notifications or messages on social media and apps, and along the way, I peek at one, two, maybe three videos or images someone posted.

• How long does that take?

• Hmm… usually around 10 minutes, but if I get caught up, it can be much longer.

• Has it ever made you late?

• Oh yes, definitely…

• So, why do you do it then?

  Eh, force of habit…

  
  

Let’s say this is still a better way to wake up than jumping out of bed as soon as the alarm rings, with adrenaline and cortisol shooting up to the ceiling, and along with them your blood pressure and heartbeat. But even this habit isn’t exactly great.

For example, imagine you read or see something upsetting (something sad, irritating, scary, frustrating, or enraging) — that will set the tone and mood for at least a good chunk of your day. You’ll unconsciously transfer that restlessness onto your colleagues and work, and depending on the day’s challenges, this “story” might stay with you into the afternoon with family or friends. And you can write that day off.

Now, those same 10–15 minutes could’ve been spent drinking a large glass of water and doing a few quick morning stretches to fully wake your body. But let’s remind ourselves — people’s behavior (including yours) is driven by two main forces: moving toward pleasure or avoiding pain. Faced with a choice, people almost always pick the second one. Why? Because it’s easier, requires little effort and action, and — most importantly — it doesn’t demand change. To exercise, you’d have to get up, move your body, maybe even break a sweat.

***

I’m not judging — I catch myself doing the same thing from time to time. And as I wrote this, I felt both shame and disappointment in myself for scrolling instead of exercising. That’s when I realized: I label one habit as “bad and wrong” and the other as “good and right.”

Hmm… So, some habits make us feel ashamed and judged, while others we desire, even feel proud of and boast about.

Healthy and Unhealthy Habits  

✅ Healthy habits are behaviors that support your physical, mental, emotional health and/or social well-being. They boost your energy, stability, and resilience to stress and illness.	❌ Unhealthy habits are behaviors that harm your health, functionality, or peace — directly (through the body) or indirectly (through thoughts, emotions, or relationships).
·      regular sleep, ·       balanced diet, ·       physical activity, ·       responsible and timely task completion, ·       conscious breathing or meditation, ·       building and maintaining supportive relationships, ·       setting personal boundaries.	·       overeating or starving, ·       smoking, alcohol, screen addiction, ·       chronic lateness or procrastination, ·       self-criticism or avoiding conflict, ·       overwhelming yourself with obligations without rest.

Practicing a behavior continuously automates the habit to the point where it no longer requires conscious permission to “drive.” And we already know — when a habit satisfies three or more human needs, it becomes an addiction — physical or mental.

For example:

🏃‍♂️ Your morning 6AM run gives you:• Certainty – you know what to expect.• Significance – you feel proud and “different” from others.• Growth – your immunity strengthens, and your body improves.• Love/Connection – your running group feels like a second family.

But when it becomes an addiction, someone else takes the wheel…

We all recognize when the Bad Driver is behind the wheel — because he’s always rushing. Despite being chaotic, his route is predictable: uncontrollable speed, ignoring warning signs, and ultimately — a crash. It’s obvious that unhealthy habits turned into addictions are harmful — because they’re easy to spot, first physically, and then behaviorally. We’ve all seen or heard about the consequences these have on the health of the addict and their loved ones. The pain and damage are real, visible, and unavoidable.

But what happens when the Good Driver is behind the wheel?

🧠 From a “healthy habit” to obsession

Nowadays, as a counter to unhealthy addictions, there’s a growing emphasis on practicing healthy habits and routines. Jogging, workouts (yoga, Pilates, Zumba, gym), “healthy and organic” food (hummus, protein shakes/bars, algae and crickets), filling every spare moment with personal development podcasts (currently trending: Gabor Maté, with his focus on childhood trauma and “positive parenting”).Open any social media and you’ll find advice from top specialists and experts on how to intensify your habits — what to add, what to remove, and most importantly, how not to quit. A culture of glorifying these “healthy habits” is created, and it becomes a competition of who is more “in.”

– Who, me? I don’t drink coffee, I gave up smoking, now I just vape. I run 10 kilometers a day and always finish with an ice bath!

👏 🎖️🙌 Bravo! Here is a Medal for you! Or, as they say at my son’s school – “Give me your hand, let me write you an A+!”

❓🤔 But here are a few uncomfortable questions:

• How sure are you who’s behind the wheel?

• Are you still in control, or have you handed it over to the “Good Driver”?

• Most importantly — where is it taking you?

If you don’t know the answers, here’s a little help:

1. 🏋️‍♂️ You skip one workout and… You enter a mini existential crisis. You count the minutes until the next acceptable moment and place to make up the missed session.

   No, now it’s too late… The day is ruined. Maybe even the whole week.

   
   

2. 🥦 The store’s out of broccoli or whole grain bread and… You start questioning the meaning of life. You give the cashier a deadly stare for daring to offer you white bread.

   You know what? The day is ruined. Maybe even the whole week.

   
   

3. 📆 You didn’t check off everything on your to-do list and… You curl up in a corner, wondering whether you should even show up at work tomorrow — or just quit right now. You’re worthless. You know nothing. You can’t do anything. Nothing makes sense.

   This day is definitely ruined. Maybe your whole life, too.

Did you recognize yourself in any of these?

Then welcome to the world of addiction to healthy habits — the sibling of classic addiction… but on steroids. On the outside, it looks shiny. On the inside, it quietly suffocates you. And the worst part? It’s accepted, desired, praised — even encouraged and rewarded — so you don’t even have the strength to admit how much it’s limiting and consuming you.

This reminds me of a comedian — I think she was Indian — who said: “Yoga used to be this peaceful thing you’d do at home, in your pajamas. Then Americans got involved and made it a blood sport. I see these young women, with their $200 yoga pants with holes in them, sprinting to class, fighting to get in… I mean, if you’re rushing to yoga class… something’s definitely off.”

The problem with “good” addictions is that they appear impressive, masked as: productivity (constant work), discipline (ultra-healthy eating), intellect (five audiobooks per week).

But more often than not, they cut you off from real intimacy, leave no space for spontaneity, feed the idea of perfectionism, and create fertile ground for emotional rigidity and anxiety.

Just because something is socially accepted doesn’t mean it’s good — especially not for your psyche, especially if it steals your peace.

☯️ Salvation in Balance

In the movie Little Buddha, there’s a beautiful line that an old music teacher says to his student:"If you tighten the string too much – it will snap. If you loosen it too much – it won’t play."

That’s the essence. Of the problem. And of the solution.

To tighten the string of your habit just enough, so you can hear the most beautiful melody that works for you. The solution lies in balance, in inner alignment. Not “half of everything” – but exactly the right amount. Not a gram more, not a gram less.

That’s the quiet peace that allows you to:

• Pause – without guilt.

• Step out of the pattern – without panic.

• Be present – without needing to “achieve” something.

Healthy habits are great, important, and useful… as long as you’re the one behind the wheel. Aware and present with every turn, gear shift, and brake.

✍️ Short Exercise for the Week

Pick one habit you consider a healthy one – one you’re proud to have – and answer the following:

• How do I feel if I skip this habit?

• Do I talk about this habit constantly – as if it defines my whole identity?

• Does this habit interfere with my relationships, spontaneity, or inner peace?

• If someone told me to pause it for a week, would I feel panic, guilt, or as if something were taken away from me?

• Does this habit bring me joy – or just a sense of control?

If you don’t like where your answers are taking you, it may be time to rethink that behavior.