NEED TO or WANT TO?

Last week, I shared my perspective on the instant phenomenon and how it’s impacting our lives. As a solution, I suggested we return to honoring the process—giving things the time they need to mature and unfold naturally. Let growth happen through its own developmental phases, without rushing or forcing.

Sounds great in theory, right? But how do we actually live that in practice?

We’re so tangled up in the “fast-now-instant—yesterday-would’ve-been-better” mindset that we can’t even see where the thread begins or ends. So, just like with any transformation, the unraveling starts with the first step. In this case: a shift in mindset and language.

Instead “I NEED TO” say “I WANT TO.”

Let me explain.

Our emotional patterns, which later become behavior, sit on a three-legged stool—our body posture, our mental focus, and the meaning we assign through the words we use. While all three matter and play a role in shaping our habits, I often start with language. Why? Because it’s the loudest. It’s the easiest to become aware of. Maybe it’s also a leftover from my past life in corporate, where “wording” was everything. You could say the same thing ten different ways depending on the reaction you expected and wanted from the other person.

But here’s the twist—when you’re doing this unconsciously, and the “other person” is actually you, it can mess you up.

Getting practical

Every time you say “I need to,” whether out loud or in your head, you're signaling to your brain that this is another obligation, that you have to do it. And this of course immediately creates unpleasant feelings for you.

And what does that create? Tension. Anxiety. Stress. When you start stacking all the things you “need” to do in a day, you can quickly spiral. The list feels endless, your brain panics, and you either freeze—or throw yourself into a frantic race against time.

In other words, you’ve entered a stress state.

One of the most accurate definitions of stress is actually being in a situation where you need to do something you don’t want to do or don’t feel comfortable doing.

So, imagine labeling every action you take with “need to.” You’re setting yourself up for constant stress. And from what I’ve seen—and confirmed through a mini-survey during LekicKa’s launch—that’s exactly what most people are experiencing.

Now let’s ask the real question: Do you really NEED to, MUST do it? In life you must die… and pay taxes. Everything else is optional. It’s your choice. Including how you talk to yourself.

So, here’s the shift: Instead of “I need to,” start saying “I want to.”

Because if you think about it, everything you actually do serves a purpose. It gives you or someone around you some form of benefit—whether it’s your family, your team, or even your own well-being. Even that job you might not love? It gives you money. And that money gives you options—freedom, experiences, things you do want. Aside from extreme cases, no one can really force you to do anything. It may not always feel great, it might not always be fun, but deep down, if you’re honest, you WANT to do it—for a reason. And that’s exactly why you WILL do it.

A personal example

Okay, this may sound silly, but here’s how I caught myself in this exact trap.

I kept complaining that no matter what anyone else was doing around the house, I was always stuck doing the dishes. Like there was a mountain of them waiting for me to scrub. But then I did an exercise I sometimes give to clients, and I realized something wild - I actually want to wash the dishes.

Why? Because it calms me down. It gives my brain just enough to do so that it doesn’t overthink, and I get to just… float. Also, sometimes I need to release some negative energy from the day, and there’s something deeply satisfying about aggressively scrubbing a pot.

The point is—I could let someone else do it, but I choose to do it. Because I want to.So why was I complaining? Because by saying “I need to,” I was framing it as a burden. An obligation. And of course, it felt heavier. (There’s more to this around unmet needs and expectations, but I’ll leave that for another article.)

This is just one metaphorical—and honestly kind of ridiculous—example. For you, maybe it’s vacuuming. Or obsessively washing the car even though it’s going to rain. Or fixing stuff around the house that technically isn’t even broken. Whatever it is… you get my point.

Try this exercise

Today, write down how you talk about your daily tasks—whether you're talking to someone else or thinking to yourself. Pay attention to your phrasing. It matters more than you think.

Examples:

• I need to call the guy from the bank.

• I need to call my mom.

• I need to go buy vitamins.

• I want to see my friends.

• I want to have coffee.

Then tonight, take a look at your list.

• How many start with “I NEED TO” versus “I WANT TO”?

• How many of those “needs” are actually “wants”? Starting now, make a conscious switch. Use “I want to” when it applies—even if it feels awkward at first. You’ll slip up, sure. But we said it’s a process, right? And every process takes time.

• For the few things that are really “needs” or “musts,” write down what you think would happen if you didn’t do them exactly when planned. What if you never did them? You might be surprised by your own answers.

If you don’t gather enough insights in one day, repeat this exercise for the rest of the week.

And if you get stuck— Call a friend. 😉