I was writing a massage the other day and wanted to include an emoji regarding how I was feeling at the moment. So I opened the bar with emojis with the usual ones I use, but none of them reflected how I feel. Than I clicked to see what other options I have for feeling today and suddenly an entire new world opened for me. I realized that I have such poor knowledge of my emotions. I definitely feel them, but I cannot name them and therefore cannot fully comprehend them.
So I decided to make a small research to understand if this is a struggle shared by other grownups as well. On my 40th birthday party, I asked everyone (a group of around 100 people close to my age, so all grownup-ish) to anonymously answer the following question:
"What emotions do you usually feel throughout one very ordinary and average day?"
There were over 80 responses, which is a nice representative sample. There were interesting answers, some involving mixed and opposite emotions like love and anger. Some wrote thankful and happy. Some could not articulate their emotions, so just drew faces. But the major surprise was that almost 70% had written: STRESS, which is not even an emotion. As per the World Health Organization, stress is defined as a state of worry or mental tension, caused by a difficult situation. Emotions behind the curtain of stress driving the show can vary from sad, lonely, frustrated, angry, mad, furious, afraid to ecstatic, curious, insecure, confused. But we the grownups, decided to package them in one universal bag and continue to carry it over our shoulder, without even wondering what is inside or why we even carry it.
So, things are even more dire than anticipated. Not only do we not know the entire palette of emotions out there, we even mix a state of our body and mind with emotion.
There are so many emotions that we do experience during a day, an hour, sometimes even simultaneously. You can be sad and mad, you can be happy and angry, you can be goofy and frustrated, you can feel anything and everything. And it is OK! All emotions have a purpose - to help you process new information and new situations life has put you in.
What to do?
We need to educate ourselves about our emotions, so we can better identify our needs and ultimately identify healthy and empowering ways how to satisfy those needs. This is also how we can better understand the behavior of other people, improve the clarity of our communication and experience deeper and meaningful relationships.
Assigning emotions to states, is already part of my practice in sessions with clients. However, considering the results of my small research, I feel there is a need the matter to reach a wider audience. So I will try to include this subject here in my writings as much as possible and by doing so, help you all throughout this journey of emotional education.
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